Ever since I got engaged I have been doing a lot of self reflection & past reflection. Its crazy. Really freakin crazy.
I look back and find myself asking “what was I thinking?!” But then again I have to laugh and give myself the positive response of “Whatever, this is all excellent writing material.” Because it is, its exactly that! There’s no point in being ashamed. Especially over situations where I learned many valuable lessons & things about myself, life etc.
Being engaged has also taught me what a Marriage & a Wedding mean to other people. Apparently people have LOTS of expectations for a wedding that isn’t their own. It can also bring out the best & the worst in people, which I am experiencing. It sort of lets you know what people really think of you or how they feel about you.
I have also learned how my “Special Day” is a Big Ticket Money Maker for businesses. If you do your research, you will come to find that Venues who offer the SAME services for a party & a Wedding nearly double or triple their prices because you have mentioned the word WEDDING. I am not fooled. I won’t be fooled. So having realized this, I have learned that my “Special Day” is only special for those who are profiting off me.
Trying to plan an event like a Wedding really shows you how important your life event is to other people, how available they will be or how proactive they are willing to be. Some even suggest what ideas and such are better for them when it comes to your Wedding. When at the end of it all, this is no ones Wedding but your own.
Thankfully, no one is opposed to MY Wedding. No one shares any negative or disheartening opinions or feelings towards my Fiance & no one feels any worry or concern about my future Marriage.
Thankfully we do have the support of everyone around us.
My only issue with having to plan a Wedding is factoring in everyone & everything. It seems like an overwhelming task that I am unsure I can defeat.
At this point I am considering my Fiance & I do a secret ceremony one weekend & have a party or celebration a couple months later where we cave in & break the news about having eloped. And even though I have planned for my Wedding to be a year from now, I am even considering extending the date out because right now….
I just don’t want to deal with all I’ve been dealing with anymore…
I just want to enjoy my Engagement.
Back to the topic of self & past reflection, being Engaged has made me reflect in the sense I am reviewing who has come and gone from my life. Friends, Family, acquaintances etc.
I realize there is family I wish who were still here to be apart of this. I know they would have been should they still be here.
And I realize how certain friends or acquaintances that are no longer apart of my life, are people who I still feel do not need to be apart of my life.
Being Engaged has really made me think critically about who I want proactive in my life & apart of it. Its showing me the importance of Life Long meaning and the Value of having True Genuine Love, Care, Respect, Family & Friendship.
Certain people in life have come and go. Some were taken because it was their turn to part from this plane & others were removed because for me & my life, they were not a good fit.
Marriage is important. It shouldn’t be viewed as a silly piece of paper that can be tore up and replaced 5 or so years later.
You work through the good & the bad. And you stay on the same Team each and every day.
That’s all I have to vent for now….